What is a Ruminating Brain?
A ruminating brain is a washing machine that is constantly agitating in your head. It spins constantly, day and night. 24/7.
Typically, a ruminating brain causes a person’s mind to spin in many of the following ways (check any that apply to you):
Your Ruminating Brain Keeps Your Mind Spinning About the Past:
- It rehashes perceived mistakes.
- It agonizes over missed opportunities.
- It replays failures and fuck-ups.
- It dwells on regret about bad choices.
- It collects and hangs on to perceived wounds and slights.
- It revisits “what onlys” and “only ifs.”
- It builds a case for, and constantly reminds you of, your defectiveness and inadequacy.
Your Ruminating Brain Keeps Your Mind Spinning About the Future:
- It lives in fear of repeating your same mistakes.
- It is dominated by worry, fear, and anxiety.
- It convinces you it is gathering information to make significant decisions, but it’s really just spinning.
- It keeps you stuck in the paralysis of analysis.
- It convinces you that you can’t act until you’ve considered every possible outcome of every possible action.
- It constantly rehearses possible conversations and potential scenarios.
- It lives in the world of “what if” and can imagine every possible negative outcome of any action or situation.
- It assumes there is a perfect way to do everything, and failure is not an option.
- Even when things are going well, it’s anticipating the other shoe falling.
- It assumes your future will mirror your past.
Your Ruminating Brain Keeps Your Mind Spinning About Your Perceived Inadequacies and Others’ Opinions of You:
- It compares you to others in ways that make you feel inferior and inadequate (and occasionally grandiosely superior).
- It measures you by its own arbitrary standards and unrealistic expectations.
- It remembers every mistake but forgets most successes.
- It obsesses over what people might think about you.
- It expects perfection in everything you do (and assumes everyone else does, too).
- It convinces you that you’re an imposter and fraud and that it’s only a matter of time before you’re found out.
- It lives for others’ affirmation and approval but can’t believe or accept them when they come.
- It is terrified of failing and looking foolish.
- It lives in constant fear of rejection and abandonment.
Obsessing about the past, living in the future, and comparing and measuring the self always results in a sense of worthlessness, failure, fear, and inadequacy. It paralyzes you and prevents you from acting boldly in your own best interest. It keeps you isolated and lonely. It makes you think you have to overcompensate and exceed people’s expectations in order to be loved and liked (and get laid). It blinds you to opportunity and the open doors that surround you. It keeps you living in deprivation rather than abundance.
The Good News
Your mind may convince you that you’re defective and unlovable – but it is wrong!
By practicing mindfulness and applying proven principles of Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT), you can learn to slow your mind, observe it, challenge its assumptions, redirect it – even laugh at it – and turn your greatest critic into your staunchest ally.
What You Will Learn in Ruminating Brain
- How to be the detached observer, not the believer, of your thoughts, beliefs, memories, and emotions
- How to slow and even stop the spinning
- How to notice when your brain is spinning before it gets out of control
- How to reframe your thoughts and memories more realistically and productively
- How to redirect your thoughts
- How to learn from, and harness the power of, your ruminating brain
- How to sleep through the night without your mind keeping you awake
- How to release old, toxic memories, emotions, and self-limiting beliefs
- How to soothe your anxiety and take action even when you’re scared
- How to let go of attachment to outcome
- How to stop comparing yourself to others
- How to stop measuring yourself by arbitrary standards
- How to let go of perfectionism and accept failure as an important part of life
- How to learn from your mistakes and see them as opportunities for personal growth
- How to overcome the paralysis of analysis
- How to realize that being imperfect allows people to get closer to you and be there for you
- How to stop the “thinker”
- How to separate the useless noise in your head from important information
- How to accept and embrace yourself as an amazing human being
- Turn Your Biggest Critic Into Your Staunchest Ally!
NEW: All Lessons Are Presented in Video Format!
- Turn Your Biggest Critic Into Your Staunchest Ally
- Thanks Mom and Dad: How You Got Your Ruminating Brain
- Waking Up
- Releasing Toxic Shame
- Learning to Love Your Inner Critic
- Ten Terrible Truths About Your Mind
- Make Your Bedroom a Rumination-Free Zone
- Letting Love In
About Robert Glover
Dr. Robert Glover, author of No More Mr. Nice Guy: A Proven Plan For Getting What You Want in Love, Sex and Life (Running Press, 2003) and Dating Essentials for Men: The Only Dating Guide You Will Ever Need
Dr. Glover is an internationally recognized authority on the Nice Guy Syndrome. He is a frequent guest on radio talk shows and has been featured in numerous local and national publications.
Through his book, online classes, workshops, podcasts, blogs, consultation, and therapy groups, Dr. Glover has helped change the lives of countless men and women around the world.
As a result of his work, Dr. Glover has helped thousands of Nice Guys transform from being passive, resentful victims to empowered, integrated males. Along with these personal changes have come similar transformations in these men’s professional careers and intimate relationships.
Dr. Glover is the creator of Dating Essentials for Men and the director of TPI University.
Dr. Glover lives in Puerto Vallarta, Mexico.